Mortality

I have had a recent profound realization of how mortal we all are, in my person and professional worlds. With this comes a new appreciation for life but also an even greater appreciation for the gift that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have given us - this is not the end. Working in the ICU has been a phenomenal experience. It has opened my eyes to how fragile life can be and has burned fear into my heart of what a great responsibility it is to be a physician. Every day I go to work motivated to be the best doctor I can possibly be - to give the best care to each patient I will care for in the future.

Interview

My first Interview for Residency is tomorrow and I am so nervous I can't think. Daniel and Anne are telling me not to worry but I can't help myself. Please send good thoughts my way tomorrow!!
Love,
Tonya

SUNS

I love the Phoenix Suns!! I have been a Suns fan since I can remember. Trevor and I loved to watch KJ back in the day and I am now a huge Steve Nash fan. I am currently wearing my Steve Nash jersey and perusing the Suns website looking for tickets - I really want to watch them beat the San Antonio Spurs. I also had to order a fantastic sweatshirt and shirt from the NBA store. I am eagerly awaiting their arrival. Fall does bring such wonderful things as football season, baseball post season, and the beginning of the Holiday Season, but for me the most anticipated season is Phoenix Suns season!! On a side note, there are a few other reasons that I love the Suns. Daniel took me to a Suns game on Feb 26, 1997 and we have been together ever since - we had our first kiss that night. Daniel proposed to me at a Suns game on Dec 15, 2000.

GO SUNS!!!!!!

Best Week Ever

Thursday night - D Backs game
Friday night - D Backs game
Saturday night - Brian Regan Comedy Act
Sunday - Cardinals game

What can I say, this is the best week ever!!! My office may still be a disaster when Monday comes, but it will be worth it!!!

Quotable Thoughts

The miracles of genius
always rest on profound convictions
which refuse to be analyzed

Ralph Waldo Emerson

5 Years

Friday was our 5 year wedding anniversary!! I love you Daniel.

10 reasons I LOVE my husband

1) He is the most supportive husband in the world. He even plans on staying home with our kids as I do a residency and a fellowship over the next 7 years.
2) He adores our two dogs.
3) He always helps me with my computer/ipod/cell phone problems. Actually this applies to all electronic goods.
4) He loves my family.
5) He is always there for me when I have a pre-boards/new rotation/applying for residency melt downs.
6) Daniel truly admires and respects women.
7) Daniel is both book smart and street smart - I can not say this about myself.
8) Daniel is fantastic at helping out around the house - well maybe not with the laundry.
9) Daniel has so many talents that I admire. He can haul and backup large trailers. I am truly envious of this talent yet I am not willing to learn, it is way to scary!! Daniel has amazing people skills. He can pretty much do anything. Daniel is extremely handy and is willing to give anything a try.
10) Daniel loves me, flaws and all!!

I love you babe!!

Closure

I finally got my Step 2 USMLE and COMLEX scores back and I did better than I did on Step 1. I am so excited to be done and to finally have closure to these exams. I also completed my Residency application. It was officially submitted at midnight and I have already received an invitation for a interview - what a confidence booster!! Waiting until March to find out what program I match is a little stressful, but that is how the game is played!! I am currently doing a rotation in Pulmonology and I am thoroughly enjoying it!! I realize every day how little I know, but I love that.
I still have the clinical skills part of my boards left. I get to fly to Philadelphia for one of them. Daniel and I are hoping to hit up an Eagles game while we are in the City of Brotherly Love.
Daniel and I have hit a rough patch recently. I keep telling myself that I only have seven years left!!! Babe, I love you and I am so appreciative of all that you have done for me!! You are my rock!! Thank you!!
I LOVE YOU!!
Yes, I do love exclamation marks!!!

2 YEARS

That is the length of time I have until I get to study for my next set of boards. To say 2 years is just amazing. It has been really weird how finishing Step 2 has made me feel that much closer to being Dr Whiting! Dr Whiting still sounds soooo weird, but soooo wonderful!! I have a total of 9 months until I am officially Dr Whiting and all the fun of intern year begins!! I am currently doing a rotation in Infectious Disease and it is so much fun. The amount of knowledge these doctors have is inspiring. I just want to soak it all up!! As much as I bitch about what I go through, I have the privilege of learning!! That is what I will get paid for - paid for knowing loads of crap about this amazing gift that God has given us!!
I also want to give a shout out to my best friend Anne. Girl, I could not have made it through this whole Step 2 process without you. I know Daniel is always there for me and Israel is always there for you, but lets be honest they do not and will not ever understand what we go through. As Daniel said, "You guys are almost 30 and are still jumping through hoops and you will be for another 7 years." Thanks Babe for reminding me. How true it is, almost 30 and still jumping through hoops. At least I have you jumping the same damn hoops with me and we can gripe to each other all we want!! Girl, thanks again for always being there through the studying, test taking, assuring, and comforting. I could not have asked for a better girlfriend. I am just so bummed that you want to do anesthesia which means you will most likely be leaving the AZ. We will definitely come to beautiful Colorado Springs to visit you!! I love ya to death ANNE!!

Little Brother

My little brother (Thomas) left on his mission today. I have cried so much in the last 48 hrs that my eyes are raw. Whenever I describe Thomas to someone I use one word "good" and I will miss that "good" little boy.
Aubrey, Thomas' girlfriend, and I participated in some retail therapy after the airport scene. We went to DSW and bought some fine pairs of shoes and had lunch together. Aubrey, I am here for you anytime you need to talk. I love you like a sister.

Studying

I take my Step 2 Board exams in the next couple of weeks, so currently I am studying, studying, and studying some more. Oh the fun I have!! Thanks to the support of my Best Friend Anne - who is also taking the test at the same time - and my Wonderful Husband, I have not had too many episodes of frantic despair.

MEXICO OR BUST

I will be up all night studying for my first exam as a 4th year and also attempting to complete my packing. Thank goodness I have an eight hour drive tomorrow - I will be sleeping!

My 100 List # 11 and # 12

11. I hate having long nails even though I think they are gorgeous. I just thinks of all the germs that could be under those beautiful nails - ahhhhh!!

12. Daniel believes that the umbilical cord between my mom and I has never been severed. Thank goodness he loves my mom!!

My 100 List # 9 and # 10

9. I was planning on naming my first boy Desmond Scott, and then I met Daniel Henry Scott .

10. During my early teenage years, I wanted to marry a black man, and then I met Daniel Henry Scott.

My 100 List # 7 and # 8

7. I was Female Athlete of the Year my Senior year of High school and was voted the most likely to be on the cover of a Wheeties box – the good old days when I was in great shape!

8. Daniel was always amazed that I could eat anything in High school and my first three years of college - I was playing volleyball. However once I quit playing sports it caught up to me quickly.

My 100 List # 5 and # 6

5. My brothers tease me that I am Monk, because I am meticulous, obsessive, at times compulsive - I carry Wet Wipes in my purse and I do not have children!!

6. If people think that I have OCD, they have not met Daniel. Honestly, I do not feel that our children have a chance in hell to ever be normal. Maybe it would be better if we did not procreate - just kidding Mom!

My 100 List # 3 and # 4

3. I met my husband my senior year of High School. We have been together ever since - 10 years on Feb 26^th, 2007.

4. I remember when Daniel carried me in his arms across Mesa High campus so I could talk to my volleyball coach - I had a badly sprained ankle from basketball. I must have been much, much, much skinnier back then.

Quotable Thoughts

The secret of success
is
constancy of purpose

Benjamin Disraeli

Which Austen Heroine are you?

:: E L I N O R ::

You are Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are practical, circumspect, and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see - it is a little scary that a questionnaire - an eleven question questionnaire - is this accurate!

My 100 List # 1 and #2

I have been compiling a My 100 List for quite some time and am still lacking 97 - 100. My 100 list may never be completed, my 100 list is rather wordy, my life is pretty mundane - I sat in lecture for 8 hours today and therefore have nothing of interest to say - so I decided that I would post a couple items off my list.

My 100 List

1. I am doing what I have always dreamed of doing, but everyday I am afraid that I made the wrong decision - do I have the energy (I have heard that PGY 1 - aka intern year - is HELL!! and I am always tired now), will I ever have a “normal” life with kids, am I too nice for medicine (I am constantly being badgered to be more assertive, be more confidant, be decisive - thank goodness my best friend Anne gets the same lectures or I would have already resigned), if I quit tomorrow would they allow me to pay back my $200,000.00 + debt in $25.00/month payments for the rest of my life (I think that I could afford that).

2. My mother is my HERO!! She is the most compassionate person on this earth (I do not feel that I am exaggerating when I say that). For me she is this unattainable goal of how I should be and a constant example of what I want to be. I pray with all my heart, that by the time I have children I will be their example - maybe that is why I plan on being an old mom, more time to mature hopefully.

Conversation

Yip yip yip
what?
yip yip yip
NO!
yip yip yip
you are so stubborn!
yip yip yip
a mother gives in

Still avoiding the inevitable

Ya I am back, again avoiding the ever present need to study.

where has my light gone
the light, the inner light
did it leave with his last breath
did it leave with the acknowledgement of failure
was it failure
or
was it a peaceful good bye
a new step forward

I just needed to have a creative moment, a moment not consumed with memorizing one more damn detail!!!!

BRING ON THE 4TH YEAR

As my third year comes to an end, I cannot help but feel excited and scarred. Excited to be moving on in this endless journey, which yes, I am currently reminding myself to enjoy. Scarred of the time were people will be under my care!! The anxiety that this thought evokes is painful, but I recite my mantra again to myself "I will know what I need to know when I need to know it" - this helps easy the tightness in my chest and the tears swelling in my eyes.
On a much lighter note, I have only one more exam as a third year, which I am currently avoiding by reading my sisters - in - law's blogs and putting up a new post.
Tatum has been feeling better over the last couple of months, but she had a bad day. I feel so sorry for her, curled in a ball with no desire to move, I hope I have not wronged her.
Bailey is her usual chipper self and is currently four pounds above her normal weight due to a late night binge while I was studying. It is amazing how much that dog can gain in one sitting, but she is lucky that over the next couple of days she will have some well endowed BMs and be down to fighting weigth - boy would I like to have that quick of a fix.
Well, I better face the inevitable - Friday is approaching, and with Friday comes my last test as a 3rd year. I better hit the books!!!!!!!!

FOR THE LOVE OF VETS

My current rotation is at the VA on Indian School and 7th Street. It is an old building in a not so nice part of town, but to me it is magical!! As you walk down the halls every other person has a hat, shirt, or jacket representing what service or war they served. And it is a SERVICE!! A service that I am so deeply grateful. I feel so honored to meet these amazing people and enjoy listening to their compelling stories. I hope that at the end of my days that I will have lived a life full of stories!!

Happy Birthday Bailey

Bailey turns 7 today!! Happy Birthday Bailey!! I know that yes she is a dog, but to me Bailey is my first baby. She has been a constant companion, who is always there when I need a hug, who always listens to me, never talks back, and my favorite, always stays up late with me when I am studying (she cannot go back to the bedroom until I do). She is such a momma's girl. Bailey, and all her personality, has enriched my life in numerous ways. I love her dearly and cannot think of the day when she will leave this world with out crying. It is true that pets are good for your health. Anytime I am stressed out with school, I just hold Bailey and I can feel my blood pressure decreasing. Bailey has a lot of personality, she is very type A, stong willed, dominant, and very competitive. When we take her to the dog park she will out fetch all of the big dogs and we usually have atleast two people come up to us to tell us that our dog is so fast, we just beam with pride. She is my baby, my first baby, and I will always love you Bailey!!

Enjoy the Journey

I decided to name my blog Enjoy the Journey in honor of Daniel, my husband. Daniel is frequently reminding me to "Enjoy the Journey" through life and as I get irritated with him when he says this I know how true it is! This is a lesson I still have not learned, but I have Daniel there to remind me. Daniel uses this phrase regularly when I am stressed about school and I have been in a terrible FUNK recently!! I DRAG myself to work everyday with a bad attitude. I know that I should be greatful for the opportunity of receiving the education that I am receiving (some day I will be able to save lives and enhance quality of life), yet I still find a way to have a bad attitude about this, I amaze myself. I get so mad at myself for being so selfish and immature, but then I talk to my best friend Anne, who is also a 3rd year, and she is having a terrible time, so I have realized it is not just me. I think all med students feel this way at some time and the thought that I get to do another year of rotations just about does me in. Oh well, suck it up Tonya and "Enjoy the Journey" of med school!!