This month has been an interesting one. It has been heart wrenching and amazing at the same time. I have seen patients recover when I did not think possible and then I have seen the other spectrum - patients completely healthy 2 weeks before get sick and die rapidly. It is amazing how you deal with this as a healthcare provider. Some days I just couldn't deal with it so I would just wall it off in my heart and other days I would end up in the bathroom crying. It was amazingly hard to see the families deal with their grief. It was especially hard for me to watch the families of the previously healthy patients who just tanked all of a sudden - they have no time to adjust to the thought that their loved one might not be here tomorrow. Life is so wonderful and you never know what tomorrow will bring. I hope that from this experience that I will remember to tell my husband and family more often how much I love them. It has also been an amazing learning experience. The ICU is a different kind of beast and I really enjoy the acuity and I love doing the procedures. Next month I will be at the VA for Wards for the first time as a resident. I have heard that the first week is hell. Everything is coputerized there which is wonderful once you learn how to work within the system but for the first couple of days you do not even know how to order a simple blood test. My co-interns told me to warn my husband that it will be a good day if I am home by 8 pm on a normal non-call day. Well, I guess I will find out on Monday.