So, I finally got into my blog again after it took about an hour to get the right username and password.  That was time well spent

Life

Again, it has been a while since I last posted. Life for me is the same - life of a resident. I had last week of as I always take Spring Break off - my Birthday always fall during Spring Break and my little bros have school off also so we can do family things together. This Spring Break was a little different. We did not go to San Diego and our trip to the Dunes was very short lived but I did have a great time going hiking with my mom, Daniel and Bailey at Peralta Trail. Daniel and I have become much more active over the last year and it has been fun to do physically active activities with my hubby. I will be running (I should say slowly jogging) my first 1/2 marathon this weekend with my sis-in-law squared Jenna. I ran a lot growing up but it was always in pursuit of a ball so this running for running alone is a new concept that I started to pick up in my 3rd year of medical school and it has just slowly grown. I ran my first 5K my intern year and then my first 10K just last month. I am really glad that I have a running buddy or it would just not be as fun. The 13.1 miles is a little daunting but it should be fun. I keep telling Jenna that our next goal will be a marathon. Jenna is not quite sold on the idea but I think that we will both get sucked into the idea after this weekend.

A Long Time

So, I have been a little busy over the last couple months. I had 3 months of call in a row and I had my gallbladder removed at the end of of my 2nd month of wards - I have been very tired. I felt that I grew a lot during my last 3 months of internship. I had a marvelous week off in between my 1st and 2nd year. My mother, Trent, Daniel, Bailey and I went to the Whiting Homestead. It was the best vacation. I spent 6 days up in the beautiful White Mountains. Everyday my mom, Bailey, and I went on longs walks, we did pilates together, played cards, watched movies, read, rested, and just hung out. Bailey loved it. I realized how much I miss my toy hauler - my home away from home. I cannot wait to go back again. I started my 2nd year on July 1st. It is a very different. My role is very different as a 2nd year. The intern is the work horse of the team. The resident is the person the intern goes to once they run into a situation that they feel uncomfortable with. It is amazing how much you learn in a year yet how much there is left to learn, but as my attending told me today " I wanted to be a doctor to know it all yet it is a lifelong process." This statement is so true and at times frustrating because I feel incompetent frequently yet my career will always be challenging.

Happy Birthday Kherrington Tamara Whiting

I just want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Kherr Bear.
I am sooooo excited you have arrived. Your uncle Daniel even had to come to the hospital to see you this morning and because of how stinking cute you are he whispered in my ear "we need one of these". Well, Kherr Bear, only you in all your loveliness could make my husband BABY HUNGRY. You are absolutely beautiful. I think you look like your mommy - especially your eyes. I am so excited that you have joined us so early because I do not think that we could have waited until 5/20. Oh, and your older sisters are so excited to meet you when you get home. Congrats to my sis-in-law and BFF Megan and my lil-bro Trevor. You have a beautiful family!!

Tatum Elizabeth

I will always love you!!

It Has Been Some Time

I have been very busy over the last month. My month at the VA was overall great but I was there to 8 or 9 pm almost everyday for the first 2 weeks trying to learn the computer system. The computer system is nice once you learn how to maneuver through it and we have team rooms there which includes your very own computer and desk which I enjoyed since I like to "nest". I had the cutest picture of Bailey sleeping on a pillow which I loved looking at everyday except when I was on call because it just made me upset that I was not sleeping on a pillow like her. I am on an elective month currently, which means I have weekends, do not take call, and even have vacation. I am sooooo thrilled.

The only downside is I will turn 30 this month. I guess 30 is not so bad, but my eggs are a cooking and 35 is considered advanced maternal age and that I do not take lightly. I will love my children no matter how they come yet I do not wish Alzheimer's Disease by the age of 40 on any one so I better get busy - if you know what I mean. Well, maybe not too soon as I think that if I added the stress of pregnancy on top of the stress of intern year I think I might intentionally run into an embarkment driving home from a no sleep in 30 + hour call night.

Well, so far I love this month. Pulmonary ROCKS!! I got to intubate a patient, do 2 thoracentesis (pull fluid off lungs) and do 2 arterial lines (not that big of a deal as it seems to be a rather hit or miss procedure, yet fun just the same) just today. AWESOME! Why do I love doing procedures? I do not know, but I do have to say I had a smile plastered to my face underneath the ever annoying masks that we wear. Actually at times I am glad that we were masks because I move my tongue during difficult intubations. Kinda like Michael Jordan.

Bailey has officially demoted me to her 2nd favorite parent. It kinda stings. In the past I was even with Daniel on the love scale yet since my schedule has changed so drastically and I am never home Bailey has decided that since I do not love her enough to spend quality time with her I am just not worth her time. As you can see this make me very upset. I found myself bribing her with treats the other day. Is it bad to buy love even if it is with Pupperoni treats?

Another topic. My sis-in-law Meg is expecting her first kid in May and I am soooooo excited to meet Kherrington (or as I will call her Kherr Bear). Meg is one of the very few people who I feel completely comfortable around. I think it is that Meg makes me feel unjudged. I feel accepted by her unconditionally. She is also just a ton of fun to hang with as we can do nothing together and still have a blast. I have had a lot of guilt feeling like I am not there for her during this drastic change in her life and I finally brought it up with her the other night when we had a Girls night of dinner and massages. Meg, I just hope you know that I am always here for you Meg and that I love ya to death and you might want to keep a close eye on Kherr Bear as I just might steal her and act like she is my own. Oh, I am so excited for her to come!!

My month

This month has been an interesting one. It has been heart wrenching and amazing at the same time. I have seen patients recover when I did not think possible and then I have seen the other spectrum - patients completely healthy 2 weeks before get sick and die rapidly. It is amazing how you deal with this as a healthcare provider. Some days I just couldn't deal with it so I would just wall it off in my heart and other days I would end up in the bathroom crying. It was amazingly hard to see the families deal with their grief. It was especially hard for me to watch the families of the previously healthy patients who just tanked all of a sudden - they have no time to adjust to the thought that their loved one might not be here tomorrow. Life is so wonderful and you never know what tomorrow will bring. I hope that from this experience that I will remember to tell my husband and family more often how much I love them. It has also been an amazing learning experience. The ICU is a different kind of beast and I really enjoy the acuity and I love doing the procedures. Next month I will be at the VA for Wards for the first time as a resident. I have heard that the first week is hell. Everything is coputerized there which is wonderful once you learn how to work within the system but for the first couple of days you do not even know how to order a simple blood test. My co-interns told me to warn my husband that it will be a good day if I am home by 8 pm on a normal non-call day. Well, I guess I will find out on Monday.

A New Year

I am officially half way through my intern year!! December was definitely the worst month of my intern year. I am doing much better emotionally - less crying fits - which my makeup appreciates, but again I do wear waterproof mascara. I will start another rough month of q (aka every) 4 day call as I will be in the ICU but I have heard from the other interns that it is an amazing learning experience. I had a wonderful Christmas even though I had to work. It was great to talk to my kid brother Tomo. I cannot believe that he will be home in 7 months!! I am so excited to see him. He is doing so great and has a cute little Spanish accent and I love how he forgets how to say certain words in English. I had a really fun New Year's Eve hangin with my in-laws and my fam but I was on call all New Year's Day. I really missed not being at the Dunes. For the last 3-4 years we have spent New Year's Day at the Dunes which has been a blast but with my schedule it has been much harder to get down there. Well, Megan has got the cutest little prego belly!! Some people are just not cute when they are prego - one big bump from boobs down to pelvis - but not Meg, she just looks adorable. I have this weekend off. It is amazing how after working a resident's schedule I apprecite a 2 day weekend. It is actually a little pathetic how much having 2 days off in a row makes me giddy but what can I say 2 day off is just FABULOUS!! Well, off to spend time with my hubby who also loves me having 2 days off in a row!!

One of those weeks

Well, it has been one of those weeks were you want to crawl under the covers and never come out and on my call night that thought crossed my mind multiple times. But instead of crawling into one of the on-call bedroom beds with the scratchy blankets that are washed with some detergent that is suppose to not give it a scent but actually leaves them with a slightly mildewed smell (do I need a coma here?) I cried to Daniel on the phone in between admits. Needless to say it was the worst day of residency so far - yes in the nurses work station I would sit in the corner and cry on the phone as I was writing my history and physical. I am sure I looked pretty pathetic but no one seemed to notice too much so I am assuming this is a regular occurance with residents. I don't know if it was the fact that I just spent 9 days with my husband - and by the way I actually love spending time with my husband - or the fact that I felt really rusty/stupid from not being on wards for 2 month (for non-med people ward months are aka for hospitalist months aka doctors that take care of you when you get admitted to a hospital) but I had a HORRIBLE night!! Well, thanks to my husband who so beautifully handles my emotions I made it through the night and now I am feeling better. Daniel had always been my rock and because of his support I know that I will make it through this week. Thanks babe!! I love ya!!

Vent of the Day and 5 K

I am venting here. One of the most irritating things to me is when someone does not like something/does not do something just because everyone else does!! This is just like doing something because everyone else does it. It is like opposite peer pressure. In some cases I think it is worse because theses people are usually snobs about the "people" that participate in said activity. Okay I am done venting.

On another note. I ran my first 5 K yesterday. It was really fun. Jenna, Tyler and my Mom ran with me. We plan on running another 5 K in December a 10 K in March and a 1/2 Marathon in June. We plan on running our 1/2 marathon in Cali because we prefer to not die in the AZ heat. I guess I better start training because 6 mile which at my snail pace will be about 1 hour of running. I should probably go running now!!

Smile

I had a smile plastered on my face during my drive to work yesterday and it was not because I love my job. On sports talk they were talking about the SUNS. Yes, I said the SUNS!!! I am soooo excited!!

1 Week

Well my life has a pattern and here it is in a nutshell

Sunday, September 14th - 7 am at hospital and home by 3 pm (this is actually a really short day)
Monday, September 15th - 6 am at hospital, on call so no going home
Tuesday, September 16th - still on call, did not get home until 1 pm
Wednesday, September 17th - 5:50 am hospital and home by 6:30 pm
Thursday, September 18th - 5:45 am hospital and home by 7:00 pm
Friday, September 19th - DAY OFF (after 10 straight days of work)
Saturday, September 20th - 7 am at hospital, on call so no going home until Sunday

And this patter will be repeated next week.

My New Life

Well, I am almost done with my 3 rd week of residency, and so far I have a love/hate relationship with my new life. I love the fact that I am no longer a student!! I was soooooo sick of going to a rotation and seeing patients, writing progress notes and history and physicals on them and then have them not count for a damn thing. Now my H&Ps count, as do my progress notes and I actually get to write orders and they will be done!! However, I hate my hours. I will hit 82 hours this week. 82 hrs in 1 week - that is insane!! Actually, I do not hate my hours when I am at work. I am so busy and I love learning about medicine that my days actually fly by, but it is hard on On Call Days to leave my husband and dogs and know that I will not see them until the next day and even when I do get home I will be so tired that I will be grumpy and so out of it that I will just want to sit there and watch So You Think You Can Dance - which by the way is my favorite summertime show!! Daniel has been amazingly supportive. Today he told me that I was his idol - isn't that sooo sweet. He has been so wonderful. Just yesterday he drove to Ulta to pick up my favorite hairspray. He has even offered to start doing the laundry which is true love coming from Daniel. However, I told Daniel no to the laundry - it makes me feel normal to have to do house work. I mean we already have a cleaner come and do everything else and if I was to do nothing at home I would feel lazy. My dogs definetely miss me and I miss them. I really need to get into a habit of walking them regularly to burn off some of their pent up emotions. I think the hardest part is just the adjustment to my new life. I cannot wait until I can handle cross-cover calls without asking my senior resident for help!! I know this will just come with time, but I cannot wait to be a helpful part of our team. I have been so lucky to have really nice senior residents. I have also learned that even after 4 years of medical school I still know nothing when it comes to clinical medicine. It is amazing what a long road this is I have decided to take, but I love it and am so excited that I am finally Dr Whiting.

PS I am really tired so please excuse the run on sentences and incoherent thoughts

It is Official

I am now officially Dr Tonya Whiting!!
It seems kind of strange and it definitely has not sunk in yet but it is official!!

My Next 3 Years

Banner Good Samaritan Medical Center!!

COUNT DOWN

1 WEEK!!

COUNT DOWN

2 WEEKS AND COUNTING!!!!

The Next 3 Years of My Life

I am waiting with abated breath - where will I spend the vast majority of my time for the next 3 years. Where will I lay my head every 4th night? Maybe I should say attempt to lay my head. Oh, what I would give to know right now, but I will have to be patient and wait for March 20th!!

Mortality

I have had a recent profound realization of how mortal we all are, in my person and professional worlds. With this comes a new appreciation for life but also an even greater appreciation for the gift that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have given us - this is not the end. Working in the ICU has been a phenomenal experience. It has opened my eyes to how fragile life can be and has burned fear into my heart of what a great responsibility it is to be a physician. Every day I go to work motivated to be the best doctor I can possibly be - to give the best care to each patient I will care for in the future.

Interview

My first Interview for Residency is tomorrow and I am so nervous I can't think. Daniel and Anne are telling me not to worry but I can't help myself. Please send good thoughts my way tomorrow!!
Love,
Tonya